Escaping Numbness

But I look into my young sons face and feel the warmth from my partners hand and I know that I would not have changed a thing. I wouldn’t have said that when I was in the depths of it; when I felt like I was at the bottom of a hole and my hands were bleeding as I fought tooth and nail to find my way back. But I say it now, because if there is the slightest chance that changing any part of my past would change where I am today and who I am with, I wouldn’t change a thing. I would go through it all again. 

I have learned that gratitude is the key to survival for me. I have learned that when there’s nothing else I can do, I think of a sentence that begins with “at least”, as many times as I can. 

“At least my apple is cold how I like it”

“At least there’s no holes in my shoes”

“At least I got my favourite seat on the bus”

“At least my back isn’t bothering me today”

“At least I saw a pretty butterfly on my walk”

As many things as you can, no matter how small. If you do this all the time, the world starts to look different. I didn’t have to change my setting, I had to change my mentality, in order to survive. It was my only choice. Whenever I struggle now or have a hard day, I fall back on 

“At least”

-J. Harland”